| Director | Phil Claydon |
|---|---|
| Genre | LGBT-related film, action film, black comedy film, comedy horror, vampire film |
| Runtime | 88 min |
| Country | United Kingdom |
Jimmy and Fletch are two friends living in London. Jimmy is dumped by his unscrupulous girlfriend, while Fletch is fired from his job as a clown for punching a child. They decide to escape their woes and hike to a remote village in Norfolk that they find on an old map. As they approach a pub in the village, with Jimmy upset about Fletch destroying his phone, they see a number of foreign female history students leaving.
Hoping to find more women inside, they are greeted by a morose crowd of men and approached by a seemingly crazed vicar who believes Jimmy is a long-lost descendant of a local vampire slayer. They learn the students are going to a cottage to stay the night. Jimmy and Fletch pursue the students' van, catching up to it as the engine has broken down, and are introduced to Heidi, Lotte, Anke and Trudi. They are invited to join a party on the van.
The group arrives at their destination, only to learn that a curse rests over the village: every female child turns into a lesbian vampire on her 18th birthday. There is an old legend stating that the Vampire Queen, Carmilla, descended on the village during the night of a blood moon, killed its menfolk and seduced its women to her evil. When the ruler of the land, Baron Wolfgang Mclaren (Jimmy's ancestor) returned from the Crusades, he discovered one of the women was his wife, Eva. The baron forged a sacred sword, then defeated Carmilla. Before dying, Carmilla cursed the village. When the blood of the last of Mclaren's bloodline mixes with a virgin girl's blood, Carmilla will be resurrected.
Fletch and Jimmy spend the night with the women. Heidi and Anke are turned into vampires. After Lotte insists that the others try to find her missing friends, they witness Trudi being turned. Eva, Carmilla's mistress, tries to draw Lotte to her growing clan of lesbian vampires. The trio returns to the cottage after killing Heidi and Anke and barricade themselves inside after the vampires destroy the van. Jimmy's ex-girlfriend Judi arrives at the door and Jimmy, unwilling to give up on the relationship, takes her into the bedroom. Lotte reveals to Fletch that she is a virgin and wants to sleep with Jimmy.
The vicar researches the vampire slayer who killed Carmilla before arming himself and setting off to find Jimmy. Judi reveals herself to be a vampire, and after a struggle, Fletch and Jimmy kill her. The vampires approach the cottage and Jimmy inadvertently invites them in. Eva discovers that Jimmy is the descendant of the baron who killed Carmilla and that Lotte is a virgin and kidnaps them.
The vicar saves Fletch from Trudi and tells Fletch the truth about the village and Jimmy's identity. They go after Jimmy and Lotte in the vicar's crucifix-covered car. As the vampires prepare to sacrifice Lotte and Jimmy, Fletch and the vicar try to recover the Sword of Daeldo, the sword that killed Carmilla, from the baron's tomb. While Fletch works to open the tomb, the vicar checks on his daughter Rebecca, but does not notice that she has been turned. Rebecca attempts to seduce Fletch. When she attacks him, she is inadvertently impaled on the sword. Fletch decides not to tell the vicar what happened.
At Carmilla's tomb, Lotte reveals her love for Jimmy. The vampires begin draining their blood to resurrect Carmilla. With the sword, Fletch and the vicar drive to Carmilla's tomb. When they enter the woods, they bring various weapons, but forget the sword. The pair reach Jimmy and Lotte. The vicar releases them, but Carmilla is resurrected. The vicar sacrifices himself so the others can get back to the car for the sword. Eva separates Lotte from the men, attacking and seducing her. Lotte fights back while Fletch and Jimmy fetch weapons. Lotte kills Eva with her cross necklace, infuriating Carmilla. Fletch tries to kill Carmilla before Lotte is turned, but is captured himself. Jimmy saves them by hurling the sword at Carmilla, piercing her heart and destroying her. The three survivors decide to continue ridding the world of evil.